10. How to find the Katniss Everdeen inside of you

Post 10 of Dream, create and make money in the arts – My Series on becoming a Successful Creative

Unearth and confront the cold darkness inside of you and start fighting back.

Did you do yesterday’s task? I did & the results are horrid but on an arc that fell into darkness and then my creative self came fighting back out, it was a lot like The Hunger Games, the first novel.

Yesterday’s exercise which I will briefly pop below in case you haven’t seen it or you can go back to yesterday’s post first here
The question was to write long hand and answer the following questions.
What does my laziness/mental lethargy/procrastination give me? What wonderful gifts does it shower on my world? What positive life changing things will come your way if you don’t create and put on an event around your art? If you chose not to commit blocks of time to your art on a daily basis, what wonderful things will happen in your life? Will you feel happier, freer, more productive, get to spend more time with your partner or the kids, have a cleaner house?

Did your thought pathway reflect mine? Have a really good dig deep and look at unearthing your darkest thoughts then  follow this pathway. Pop the negative down and then let your creative soul start arguing back. I am using my thoughts as an example.

Initial negativity and plausible excuses…
My negativity just showed up about will I ever be good enough, is it a waste of time?
I can argue that my inaction gives me comfort, a feeling of safety in a cocoon and a time to be me. No need to try, thus no negative reactions from others. Life would be easier if I didn’t try, if I hide in a hole I can die without failing or making my mark – the world doesn’t need me to be creative. I like lethargy , I like hiding & not trying, what if I try & fail again, maybe I’ll never be good enough.
Maybe I should give up.

followed by some insights….

All the negative stuff has a cold dark masculine voice, it comes from a different place inside me.Some I am sure are my dad’s negative thoughts about my career change & his thoughts of the arts.
But I have embodied them darker. They seem to be fundamental darkness – that negative aspect of self that doesn’t recognise the light, joy, creative energy in me. It’s a cold dark place without hope, of not trying & therefore not failing. Stay hidden, it hissed.

And then more justifications but my creative soul/voice/side is starting to fight back as my cold ‘truth’ emerges……
(to quote Katniss ‘I have no choice ..(but to win)’)

Inaction gives me time I could see friends, party , date irresponsible men .. Oh I have just done that for the last decade.

If I made it an unalterable plan to work on my voice as soon as I got up. So first priority – warm up, siren, diction, lips, tongue, jaw relaxation, then chant, then sing before breakfast. Every day.

But I don’t care, my voice is good enough.

But what about in extreme cases eg last minute auditioning for massive life changing theatre roles? It needs to be so trained it always comes from a relaxed centre with open throat not speaking too quick, no exceptions.

My creative soul starts really arguing now… Get life or death about it
Go get a proper job then, earn great starting salary,  become a 7am – 5pm -er again…

I will die

The threat of inaction & the consequences -is it worse than the effort required to change?
Go on, just earn money, don’t have time for auditions, spend your life  and your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s wondering what if?

My concrete recognition… If I don’t do this, if I don’t follow my dreams part of me WILL die.

If I don’t do this now – work on my creative goals with all I have, with all the time I can spend on it then what?
Just mourning, regret and the loss of my soul dream.

So timetable the most important dreams of my creativity in every day as the biggest priority no matter what. If a child is kept being told no, she will stop asking & being free with her dreams and games, so why do I do this to my creative muse on far too many occasions and not put in a wonderful schedule where daily she can come out and play?

And my new schedule of priorities…. I have to win,

voice
Writing next show
Singing
Auditions – get some more!
Book lots of paid singing & acting gigs
Build platform yes but not the entirety of my life – the learning curve can be a cop- out for me.

I am hoping that my journey echoed yours the stages from
negativity  2) confrontation 3) asking myself what would happen if I do choose to lay down all my creative dreams 4) final acceptance that I have to create or I will indeed die on a soul and hope level, the magic will be gone from my life 5)Re-resolution of my priorities.

Again to quote The Hunger Games… the world will be watching… and it will from family, kids and friends as well as frenemies (I hate that word) and critics. Get that burning arrow of desire  pointed where your heart needs you to go. (see I have brought the anthem Jerusalem back in effortlessly).

Or just pack up and go home (to loosely quote James Purefoy

Image from Heart of Time, written and devised by Amy Bird

So today’s  task will make you flush out any remaining pockets of resistance.

– Set the timer for 13 minutes
– Find a diary or A4 paper
– Mark it into 15 minutes segments from wake up to go to bed.
Then as the day and week progresses.
– Time my week in fifteen minute segments/ increments to see how – I am spending my time so every day for the next week (or two if you are feeling brave) fill in the sheet with what you did in each 15  minute section
– Dont judge yourself, just write what you did in each 15 minute segment – it may be eating, cooking, surfing, chatting, facebook and email checking
-At the end of the week add up the hours you spent it each category.
-Then you can truly work out if you have time to spare if you cut out one reality show, or in my case if I cooked two extra portions for freezing as I seem to spend a lot of time cooking!!

Image from Heart of Time, written and devised by Amy Bird